Once upon a time, there was a lady who used to run out of her home with one and only one mission, which was to look for her lost son whom she was afraid had disappeared and was lost or troubled!
She would be overly worried that he was not going to come back for some reason!
She felt as though she had a special sense for these things that she called her very own 6th sense that he was most certainly in trouble!
She prepared herself hastily to go out and embark on a journey to find this child to bring him back to the comforts and safety of home no matter the cost!
…Since there’s nothing like home for the child and there’s nothing else who can possibly replace the love of his one and only mother! And she had absolute and deep convictions of this deeper than any trench that existed out there in the oceans…
…However, it appeared that no “root cause” or “clear issue” existed beneath the surface of his mother’s mysteriously growing inner anxieties to the boy or to anyone else for that matter. She had somehow become increasingly shut off from the world and a complete and utter enigma that many did not understand, and she began to wonder if the people she thought could understand her the best simply didn’t want to, simply didn’t care, and/or were completely against her.
She had become lonely, feeble, and needy to the point she was losing the ability to understand that her own son was just a child, an innocent child who needed to be taken care of and not the other way around. Sadly, she would oftentimes unhealthily obsess over things long gone in the past, and she would find it harder and harder to live in the here and the now.
She seemed to one by one give up her hopes, dreams, and fantasies of being many things, including being a strong and prominent hero and a good role model for her son to the point her son would often have to try to drag her home from the pub where she would go to drink her depression, woes, and anxieties away.
So easily she would find herself passed out and collapsed onto the ground as though she believed herself to be completely utterly reprehensible and useless. She had increasingly come to believe that everything she had worked so hard for had been for nothing, since everything around her was turning into dust—it was only a matter of time before the universe would crumble and fall apart as well.
Deep inside of her, she surely wept alot even though she didn’t want anybody to know her existential crisis; also, deep inside of her, she was truly sad that she let things get this way and she was sad that she could see time running out and the Scenery of a Doomsday closing in on her. She didn’t even remember how or when she started to feel this way and how it had gotten so bad, and it was too painful to even try to remember—it would just be easier to forget everything.
So, she feared she would forevermore be lost swimming deeply in her own mind searching for land with no light to guide her to shore to a place of peace, harmony, comfort, warmth, and love away from the darkest and saddest place imaginable. Sadly, all that she could find that would provide her temporary relief was a smile on her face generated by the artificial warm, tingly, good feeling sensation that drinking alcohol brought her.
She was truly sorry that her son had to see her this way; she hated that this was all that she seemed to desire at this point in her life and she was confused as to why. Tragically, her son didn’t really think too much about how his mother might have truly felt about herself and her self worth, and he walked off angry, frustrated, and tired of having to do everything for her, completely unaware of the fact that she never meant for him to carry such a big burden at such a young age.
She truly had wanted something better for him and for herself as well in life, was that too much to ask for?
A little peace of mind without any of the alcohol, grief, destruction, coldness, and death…
…So my dear son, my one and only wish is for you to forgive me and please, I beg of you, don’t hate me, don’t hate yourself, don’t even try to hate anything at all if you can. Just don’t be evil for the sake of anything, and be kind, understanding, and gentle to me, yourself, and all those other people in this big wide world. Please…just don’t let things end this way…it’s…just…too…unspeakably…sad.